deaconesse51

ONE MORE

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I have been reading the Power of One More by Ed Mylett. I read first thing in the morning with my beloved cup of coffee. On somedays I even have one more cup of coffee. If you have not read the book I do recommend it. Ed is both easy to listen to and read. It has inspired some thoughts, question and answers in my mind.

I am not going to do a book review here. I just want to share a few thoughts with you.

Here are some questions to consider when reading. Does anything resound with me? Is there one more thing I can do or not do that would have a significant impact in my life? Is there anything that can help me to grow to be a better person? Is there anything here that can help me to encourage or help someone else?

Most of you know I am on a fitness journey and just an overall journey to be a better me than I was yesterday. In my fitness journey I have learned to listen to my body. I know that one more processed carb will make me bloat and fell very sluggish. I also know one more fruit or vegetable will help me to feel better overall. I do not drink enough water, so I asked myself what is one thing I can do to help me reach this goal? I know there are several things I could do, however I wanted to accomplish my goal of a gallon a day this week. The answer for me was to get a 65 oz water bottle for the day time. I also use my 21 ounce bottle at the gym. I fill it up twice in the am. That just leaves me 1 more 21 ounce bottle for the day. Tricking my mind I suppose but I just got tired of keeping up with the water. I may just invest in a gallon reusable water jug but will shall see. I have also been trying to add one more minute to my cardio daily. Now here is one you may not expect, if my body tells me to rest one more day, I do it. This was not always the case but I am learning to listen to my body. My body not my mental laziness.

I work full time and I am a full time caregiver for my Mother. I wish I could say that is easy peasy as my grandson says. It is not. I do not always respond very kindly. So I am trying one more time to adjust my schedule and my thought patterns. It is a hard thing to do when you have worked hard all day to come home and have to start all over again. Sometimes the same conversations, the same arguments, or is it? Perhaps I make it harder on myself. Recently I decided, that I would leave 5 minutes earlier when we need to go somewhere. I also decided that I would load up a little differently. Instead of trying to hustle everything and everyone at the same time out the door, I take turns. Load the stuff, Load Mom, load one boy and finish up with the other. Such a slight adjustment but it has helped. Now if I can just respond with silence instead of irritation when responding to others that will be a huge accomplishment. How am I going to do that? Simple take a deep breath and practice the pause before I respond at all. Simple not simple as I am in the habit of being a bit too quick with a snarky response. Pray for me.

Now perhaps none of this applies to anyone else out there. I have found myself asking what is one more thing I can do to have a great marriage? I need to remember to tell my husband thank you. Even for the small things, like making the bed. That might not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me. I need to make time for him. Yes unfortunately in this season of life I have to make time. I need to hold his hand or give him a little kiss as I rush on to the next to do on my list. Perhaps I should hire someone to clean or do my errands so that I have more time. We shall see.

Is there someone I see during my day that I could give one more smile to? Is there someone who just needs me ask how are you and then really listen to them when they respond?

Is there one more person I need to add to my inner circle to help me to be a better version of me? Am I the one more person that can help someone else be the best version of themselves?

I recently added a class and Social Media Coach into my life #Steve Black. The first assignment was to get several pictures taken. I was able to do that. It is not easy adding this class but I am trying different approaches to get it done. I am moving at a snail’s pace but I am moving.

Is there one more thing I can give up ? I am giving this one much thought. I am way too busy. I recently realized there are a few things I do out of duty, that perhaps I would be better off not doing. I am trying to be a light to others, but sometimes others attitudes do not help me shine a bright light. I know perhaps I should continue trying to encourage them, or should I ? If the people you are around are not ever happy or they are always tired, we must be careful not to be drawn into their aura. If is affecting my shine I am going to let that one thing go. Now how will I know which way to go with this decision? I will pray and then I will listen to God’s voice, he will let me know if I should let this one thing go or if I should try one more approach.

Sometimes I ask myself should I pray one more time? Some will say God heard you the first time. Some say ask until he answers. I say you do what you feel is right and I will do what I feel is right for me. I have decided to change my prayer time by adding something to it. I have decided that the people I am praying specifically for, I will get a picture of them and beside said picture I will list all the things I am praying for. This is strictly for me God does not need the reminder I do.

I hope that my rambling encourages you to look at yourself. Your one more thing to do or not do may be totally different from mine. That is just fine if we were all alike, the world would be a very boring place.

I decided to post one more picture. This one is of my husband and I. We are both actually smiling. We took one evening to take pictures together. We had not done this in over 7 years. Hard to believe. One of my beautiful daughters, Kristen took time out of her schedule to come be our photographer.

Be encouraged do one more thing today that makes you smile and feel incredible. Be the best version of you possible.

DO YOU WALK WITH A LIMP?

Recently I was listening to Steve Harvey. I like Steve Harvey he is a smart man. Lately I have been changing who I listen to, because sometimes their speech does not match how they describe or present themselves. Yes the pot calling the kettle black over here. So long story short Steve has a language issue as in he uses colorful language at time. Now in all honesty that was my worst habit to overcome and it creeps back in at times. One day during filming they went on a break and a lady from the audience said, excuse me Mr. Harvey but how is your walk with the Lord. His reply was I walk tall and proud with the Lord, but I have a limp I can not seem to overcome. Wow, that just really hit me hard. It inspired my entire Wednesday night service, when I filled in for our Pastor who was out of town.

I am not justifying having a limp, however it is true I love the Lord dearly, but I do limp. I have a few ugly words, snappy attitude and perhaps judging others too harshly, without even realizing it. Now I still do not watch or listen to anything that is full of colorful language as it is way to easy for me to pick it back up. I can do that all by myself.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 We read that even Paul had a thorn in his side. He says he was given it to keep him from growing conceited. We are not specifically told what his thorn was. Some say it was an illness, other think it may have been the suffering he endured from other.

I was led to look at my own limp. I wonder do I cause others to stumble in their walk? Even worse do I send them running from our Savior because of my limp.

Jesus requested his disciples to be his witness to the end of the earth. If we are truly disciples of Christ, that is also what we are instructed to do. My scriptures that I take this from are found in Matthew 28:16-20, Mark 16:15-18, Luke 24: 44-49 and Acts 1:7-8.

In John 15 9-17 Jesus commands us to love one another. So we are instructed to tell of God’s love and his sacrifice. Now stay with me please, even if you do not follow Christ he and I both love you anyway. We are not forced to follow Christ it is a chose we must make for ourselves. I want you to know I can be a follower of Christ and still love someone who is not. I can also love someone who may make choices that I would not make. The current world view is my opinion must be just like your opinion or I am prejudiced, I will agree to disagree. In all honesty what others think of us is none of our business unless what we claim to be does not line up with our actual lives that others see. So, if you are indeed a Christian when is the last time you invited someone to church? When is the last time you truly told someone about Christ, of is love for them, of his sacrifice? I do not mean in your weekly bible study or Sunday school class with your normal group of believers. (They already know) When did you last show someone love even though they may not live exactly as you do?

I am going to bring this bus to the curb, I hope you have stayed with me.

I will end with a few questions for you, and no you do not have to be a Christian. I believe if we are honest most of us no matter our spiritual beliefs may have a limp or two.

Search you heart and souls here.

Do you have a limp that causes you or other to struggle?

Have you driven your family or friends away from you with your thoughts and actions? Do you brag too much, force rules on them, boss them too much? You have a limp.

The limp does not always appear as a problem? Is it possible you are an enabler? Are you enabling someone that would be better off taking responsibility for their own actions. This is very hard to do, especially for parents. (That may be your limp)

I just want to share here, not many were willing to share in an open audience, however I was approached by several after my lesson privately. One person said you know I don’t limp like so and so and I replied. There is your limp, kind of like there’s your sign. She is a wonderful lady full of the love of Christ, she smiled and said exactly.

How do we overcome our limps? First of all we pray and ask God to help us. I must be honest one of my limps is becoming harder to get under control even with prayer. I have asked my BFF to hold me accountable if I can not get a handle on it I have to pay her.

We must also accept that perhaps we have been given a limp in order to learn a lesson. Paul even said he was given a limp to keep him from being conceited. ( Perhaps being conceited is your limp)

Reflect do you have a limp? Is it selfish, is it there to learn from? Is it hurting yourself or other? Do I need help correcting my limp?

I can not answer for you, we all have different limps. I ask you just to see if you have one that needs to be faced head on and sent away. If so, please figure out what you need to do with the limp or in my case limps to improve your life and the life of the ones you love or influence.

STAY IN YOUR LANE

Do you know what lane you are in? Is it the lane you should be in, or have you drifted into the wrong lane?

Matthew 7:13-14 Enter through the narrows gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Notice it does not say that the road is easy or straight. Sometimes our roads are full of speed bumps, curves and other obstacles. They can come in many forms, sickness, becoming a care giver to an aging parent, moving to a new town starting a new job and multiple other bumps and curves.

Are we alone in our struggle to stay in our own lane? No, we are not. King David did not stay in his lane even though he was called a man after God’s own heart. Even before David, Saul also failed to stay in his lane.

There are many examples of people who did not maintain their lane but today I will focus on King David. In II Samuel 11:2, we find King David knowingly slept with another man’s wife. He did this after his afternoon nap and he saw her on a roof top bathing. Do you think he had been spending any time with God at that point? Had he become complacent, lazy, bored, or perhaps arrogant? What was it that the man after God’s own heart not only slept with another man’s wife, but he also had the man killed when he could not trick him into sleeping with his own wife? Uriah, was an honorable soldier who would not drink or have relations with his wife while the men he was fighting along side were still on the battlefield. David left his lane. He drifted into Uriah’s lane. God loved David very much and even though he forgave David when he repented, David and Bathsheba both paid the consequences for their actions and lost the child that they had conceived.

This leaves me questioning, where is my lane? How do I find it? Is my lane on the narrow or path or the wide one? Is it even possible to stay in my own lane? I mean even David could not do it. so who am I to think I can?

Yes, it is possible to stay in my lane. Job did it. Esther did it. Daniel did it. They all had reason not to stay in their own lane. They did not falter they maintained. They would not dishonor God even in their sufferings.

Romans 3:21-23 tells us all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. So, if we have put our faith in Christ, we will have started on the narrow path. In today’s world it is getting harder and harder to try to stay on the correct path let alone our own lane. Stay with me…..

Many people believe in and worship Jesus. They come from all walks of life. I know there are many people who have justified sliding or compromising or even changing the word of God to suit their own desires. Even myself I suppose if I am honest. We question things don’t we. We try to ride as close to the edge of the lane that we can.

One question I have thought of is triggered by Proverbs 16:33. It says that we may throw the dice, but God decides how they fall. So, should we gamble or is it not allowed? What is the stock market? Isn’t it also a gamble? Why are they different? Why do people judge you for throwing dice but not for buying stocks? What about drinking, or being whiny or being critical or thinking we are better than everyone else because we don’t do any of those things?

The world around is changing rapidly, do we change with it? So hard to know sometimes. So lately I am struggling to figure out my lane.

But then God. I was pondering on all this, and a Crowder song came on. Good God Almighty. A line in it says I get amnesia I forget you keep coming around. I reminded myself of all the things God has brought me through. Right now, my lane is full of bumps and curves, and it has been difficult to not run off the edge of my lane and crash. Thankfully, God used Pastor to use me for a Wednesday night message, this one as a matter of fact. I get inspirational messages or an encouraging text or a call from a friend that needs my help, this guides me back to the lane I have chosen. I know he will keep me from crashing if I rely on him and not on myself. My lane may not be the same as yours. You may not believe in God, but he believes in you. Find your lane.

I encourage you find your lane. Be a light in the darkness. Encourage others. There is enough darkness, confusion and sadness in this world. Do not give in to it. Find your lane and drive in it. Please do not judge me for my lane or try to force me into yours. I will do the same. I will tell you that Jesus died for you, but I will not beat you with it. I will not force you to choose my lane, please do not force me into yours.

If you are struggling finding your lane, I pray that you find a way to know what your lane should be. My roadmap may not be for you. For me I read my Bible, I do pray, I plan, I continue learning new things. If one way does not work for me, I find another way to maintain my lane. I can only maintain if I know which lane, I am in.

I leave you with this if you are in your lane stay in it, unless you find yourself in the wrong lane and then if you do find yourself in the wrong lane turn around or switch lanes do not stay in the wrong lane. Do not try to force someone to be in that lane with you.

FIND THE RIGHT LANE FOR YOU AND STAY IN IT!

WHY MISS D AND NOT MS D ?

I have a possible opportunity coming up that would allow me to try new products from NPowerNutrition. It requires that I have an Instagram account. I also recently signed up for three years of Social Media Coaching with Steve Black. Any how I asked my coworkers to follow me on Instagram @Missdkirkland. My boss said you spelled it wrong. It should be MS. not Miss. The have called me Ms. D for many years.

That question set me back. I thought what in the world I know how to spell how could I make such an obvious mistake. I immediately asked God what was I thinking? How could I make a mistake like that? Did I hear you incorrectly? Yes, I talk to God, yes, he talks to me no I am not crazy. God very clearly years ago told me to write this blog. He very clearly gave me Coffee with Miss D. I did not immediately obey him. Delayed obedience is still disobedience. If you have been reading my blogs, you know I am doing my best to follow him instantly.

What was God’s answer you ask? He reminded me that he did give me the name exactly the way I have it. My favorite verse came to my mind. For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I realize now he wanted to show me some of the things in life I have missed, the ones he allowed me to. I could have easily been killed when my husband was. I could have died in the bad accident I had in 98. I was not available one-night years ago when a friend killed someone and wanted me to get them out of the state. The list can go on, I am sure. These are just a few of the things I know he allowed me to miss.

Then he reminded me of things I have not missed because I trust in him and do my best to obey. I have lived a great life. It has not been without sorrow or difficulty for sure. He has brought so many wonderful people into my life. See these two brothers. I am married to the one in black. We have our ups and downs, but I married him after much prayer and when things come up, I just pray we figure it out. He is a great guy. He loves my children as if they are his own. He is a wonderful grandfather to all of our grand angels. The other handsome dude is my awesome brother-in-law. He is one of those people who just leaves you feeling better. He lights up the room. I do not get to see him or talk to him as much as I would like but he holds a special place in my heart. He was a bonus when I married, along with many other family members. Glad I didn’t miss this.

Last year I joined a Networking group. I was nervous at first, however God led me to this group via a beautiful soul Pam Burton, she is another person who is a pure joy to be around. Lisa Lewis is also another person who lights up a room and leaves you just feeling better.

I joined the Nicole Wilkins community at the end of 2019. It has introduced me to lots of new people. My great accountability partners, Naomi Rabon trainer extraordinaire and numerous others with the same goal as myself.

I would have missed out on those muscles I am getting. I would have missed out on how good I feel. I would have missed being able to run and keep up with all my grand angels.

Finally, just in case I was doubting myself and the whole Miss Vs Ms. I heard two songs. Keep Me In The Moment by Jeremy Camp and I Don’t Want To Miss I(t by Ellie Holcomb.

There you go. Live in the moment, do not miss what God has for you.

Blessings to you all,

Miss D

MISSING IN ACTION

Hello friends it has been far too long since I have given any time to this blog. I am getting back on track. I just got derailed for a bit.

I will just fill you in on what has been going on with me and I have dealt with it. My work got extremely busy. I was still trying to keep up with my caregiver duties and taking care of myself. I struggled with it.

Taking care of a parent with dementia is very hard. Each day can be totally different. I have never been a very patient person and I have struggled very much the last several months with a short temper and outbursts of anger.

I have not asked God why because I already know there is something in all this I need to learn. I wish I could say I am that sweet individual who handles everything with a smile. If you have paid attention lol you know that is not me. I do try very hard to not let things irritate me. It is what it is I say.

Time has not been my friend, or should I say I have not quite got my schedule where I would like for it to be. I will say I did the best that I could and when I felt I could do no more……I ran away to reboot.

I was blessed to have a condo available for me to spend a week at the beach. We trailered the Harley and spent a week relaxing and riding up and down the beach. I spent hours just sitting in the sand. I visited with an old friend and made three new ones. This was the 27th year these four have made the beach trip. They made it very enjoyable. They are so full of life and laughter. Such a blessing. I also had time to read my bible, do a bible study and just listen to the peaceful ocean waves. I needed it desperately. There is just something about the ocean that makes me feel closer to God.

I was not totally slack I did give a message on a Wednesday night for the Pastor so he could have a break. I spoke on finding and staying in your lane. I will write soon about the things I covered there.

I have been back home a week. I must say after a three-week hiatus from working out, I am back in the gym. I was very sick the first week home. I am sure part of it was the lack of my exercise regimen. I am happy to report I am on an eating plan and have made it four consecutive days to the gym. I am already feeling so much better. I am also able to stop and handle things better. I am learning to not always respond immediately but to reflect. There are some things in life we can just let go. Life is too short to sit around and be a miserable, angry old bitty.

I am glad to be able to say that I did not stay derailed. I took a break and reflected. I read several books to help me get back on track. I am determined to live the life I want while dealing with a few things I had not planned for. I know that everything could change tomorrow. In the blink of an eye things can happen. They can also happen when you neglect to take care of the things that matter most.

I will continue to cling to Jesus. I will continue to encourage others anyway I can. I will reach out to trusted friends and mentors when I need help. I admit I am not a superhero. I will say when I can do no more.

Please be encouraged if you are struggling or overwhelmed reach out for help. Talk to a trusted friend. Pray and God will tell you who to speak with. I have a precious friend at church, we normally tease each other a lot, on this past Sunday I felt led to confide in her my anger issues. Guess what she had been struggling as well. We prayed for one another right then. I am happy to report that as of last night both of us have done much better dealing with anger.

I pray over all reading this post that in this crazy chaotic world we find joy. That we focus on the things of God and not the things of the world. I pray blessings over you all.

Revive, Rejuvenate, Refocus

This is a picture of myself and several friends who recently attended a women’s conference together. You can tell that the theme of this particular conference was Covered. Covered by what you say? Covered by the protection of the Holy Spirit. We had a wonderful time of corporate praise and worship. We had a great message with all of us and then we attended breakout sessions of our own choosing. I have been so overwhelmed lately I just had one of my beautiful friends place me in the sessions she thought would be a good fit. Except for one because I already knew the teacher and I knew she would be excellent and of course she was.

Please stay with me even if you are not a Christian, I believe there will be something useful for someone in doing so.

You all know that I have a busy schedule. Actually, maybe this is the first time that you are reading my blog. I work full time, take care of my mother, help with grandkids, serve at church and the least goes on. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately and needed to just take a break and enjoy being with other women who share some of my interest. I did not realize how much it would help to revive me. I learned so many things at this conference. The number one thing I have taken with me is that I must be careful not to isolate myself from others, during this super busy time. I am a bit of a loner and thought I did not need to spend time with others who think as I do. I was wrong we do need each other. I have another beautiful friend who is like me in that we do not truly trust others. We keep most at bay because of this. I think she and I are both a work in progress. I know that we can have friendships and keep safe boundaries without building our walls. My walls are comfortable, God moves us when we are comfortable.

The following week there was another conference. This one was called INSPIRE. This one was different in that it was geared more toward people who have a ministry. I waited until the very last day to sign up. I felt guilty for taking a Friday off to attend. I felt in my spirit I needed to attend. I am so thankful that I did. There is nothing like a corporate time of Praise and Worship. One where hearts are open, hands are raised, and we are truly worshiping the Lord. It is different than just doing church. My statement is not meant to offend I know you can worship without raising your hands, but there is just something in surrendering to God with abandon that quickens the soul. The message I walked away with most is right now I am more like Hagar. I am in a situation I did not choose; however, God still sees me. He will still bless me even though I do not always handle my stress in the best way. He understands and sees me.

My spirit was revived by these two conferences. I have been blessed that I am able to hear more clearly from the Lord. I will share some of these experiences in my next blog.

I have also taken the time to do more of what I enjoy. I may have to leave the house not quite up to my standards…. Dishes in the sink, dust on the floor, etc. I am a bit of a clean freak. I am learning to just let it be for a moment they will be there when I return, and the world will not come to an end.

This is one of my passions. I love to ride and feel the wind in my face. It is a family kind of thing. This one was just in the yard not on the big rode lol. My little grandson’s words not mine. It has been several years since I have been able to ride. Luckily for me my brother from another mother sent me a bike to ride. He knows I miss it. Sounds so simple doesn’t it. Sometimes it is that simple. I have been able to ride for about 40 minutes twice this week. Let me tell you is has rejuvenated me quite a bit. It has helped me just relax and have nothing on my mind except God and the wind in my face. Very relaxing for me. I am grateful for it.

Looking a little rough huh? This is me about 6:00 am every morning. Guess what by this time in the morning I have already strength trained and am in the middle of my cardio session. This helps me to refocus on my goals and be a better person. I feel I can conquer the day if I begin it this way. It helps me with my mood, and it just helps me feel more accomplished. Making my bed in the am helps me do that too. I had a goal to do a practice prep for a physic competition. I did not quite get there by my 53rd birthday so I am moving my deadline out one more month I am almost there.

I am refocusing my intent and goals for the rest of the year. We can easily get distracted by the cares of this world. I encourage you surround yourself with likeminded people. Have a goal make steps to accomplish it. Use what works for you and discard what does not.

I cannot control everything that happens to me. I can control how I react to it. Instead of saying why me I can say what is it that I can learn from this situation? Instead of saying to myself why in the world would you think you can do this or that I will say why not me. When I am overwhelmed, I will take action to rejuvenate, revive and refocus. I will let people in, I will ride in the wind, I will spend time with God, I will stop and just enjoy the laughter of my grand angels. There is a special kind of joy in the laughter of a child.

I leave you with this. If you are feeling discouraged or overwhelmed think about what revives you. Then do it. Do the same for rejuvenation and refocus. I encourage you to make a list of all the things that bring you joy and then do them. Sometimes life is hard, and we forget what those things are. Let’s all remember them and then go DO THEM!!

REST, RELAX AND REVIVE

Matthew 21:28 Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Hello all. Rest is not something that comes easy to me. I am on full blast since I work full time, pick up my grandson after school and have become my mother’s caretaker. It seems that rest is not in the cards for me to much. Jesus tells him to go to him and he will give us rest.

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a day of meet and greet with the women in our district. I had a wonderful time traveling with two other ladies from our church to get to our designated meeting spot.

The spot was a very cozy little coffee shop in Mt Pleasant Tx called Jo’s. They have a really cool vibe and super friendly employees. They make their own syrups. I had two coffees while there, but I digress.

The meeting itself totally blessed me. It was such an encouragement to me to be surrounded by such lovely women of God. I was reminded that we all have different personalities and gifts. I was so encouraged by their faith. Some might ask was that going to Jesus to find rest? Yes it was. I believe we can find Jesus in all areas. On that day I found it with my close friends on the ride to and from. We were able to discuss many things on that ride. The good and the bad. At the meeting, Jesus spoke through so many, with their stories of faith and endurance.

I find rest reading the Word of God as well. I must admit that as of late I have found total rest and relaxation in our once a month, revival services. They are all different but speak to my spirit. I have enjoyed them and have been revived in many ways. I want to give a shout out to my pastor Tom Saali for implementing these services. I believe they are not only a revival for his people but a way for he himself to get a little rest. He is another who is on the go all the time. I recommend listening to a faith program to help lift your spirit. It is hard to stay upbeat surrounded by negative. We must renew our faith on a daily basis. This has been very helpful in helping my find peace.

I also wanted to share another way I find relaxation. It is in cleaning. When I am already so busy, I cannot think, and my house is out of order I must clean. My husband thinks this is crazy!! He will say stop and sit down and rest. I say I am resting lol. You see once I get it all cleaned up and shiny, I am so relaxed, I can rest. It also helps with my stress level when I am overwhelmed.

My favorite way ever to relax is to lay on my ice cream float in my pool. No radio just me, the pool, the sun and the birds. It is here where I can see the beauty that God made in the world around me, I rest best. I do not know what this year will hold for me as the warm weather approached. I do know that God will give me a way to rest, relax and revive.

I pray all of you take the time to do the same.

KNOWING MY WHY!

Hello all. Hope you have a had that first cup. I am about to start on my third for this morning. This week I have been reading a book written by Dean Graziosi and listening to several of his messages. I made myself go through the seven layers deep exercise. This is where you ask yourself your why seven times. Most people answer from the head the first couple of questions, by the seventh you find your real why. If you have been reading my blog. you know I felt God calling me to do this. Took me several years to be obedient. I have been really going deep into my heart and I know now, God did tell me to do this. My heart deep down wants to let others know that Christ lived and died for all of us. There is nothing we can ever do that will stop him from loving us. Why other than the obvious reason?

I will tell you another lifetime I go and met and fell in love at first glance with Tracy. I was not following the Lord. We fell in love. He loved my little girl as if she was his own. Then we had our son together. He had a problem I was too naive to realize it would control him, eventually leading to his death and my heart feeling as if it had been ripped into a million pieces. He was addicted to drugs. I did not make wise choices either during our time together. I had pushed God to the background. I did not do drugs never have. That makes you feel a little superior sometimes. You see I was not following God in a lot of areas. I did not lie or steal. I have a reputation for being brutally honest. I made bad coping choices. Then he met the person who would eventually take his own life. I knew from the moment I met him he was evil. I have only felt this a few times in my life. I trust that God has given me that feeling then and at other times. You see even when we are running away, he is pulling us close even when we don’t see him and sometimes are not even looking for him, he is there. Tracy could not believe or accept that God could forgive him or love him. I could not find the words to convince him that he would. That is a lie straight from hell. God does love us all. I hope that in his final moments he called on Christ.

I wish I had listened to him prior to him meeting the people that would rip us apart forever. He wanted to leave the area. He said he could change if he could get away from here. You see some people will not let you be better. They like you to stay down.

I was angry with God and the road back was not an easy one. I wish I could say that I have arrived. (Whatever that means). What I can tell you is that my life is far better walking through it leaning on the Lord. He is also my strength. I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I have made, as I know he has.

I am blessed to have a son who is much like his father in a lot of ways. Some good and some bad. I pray for him constantly that he will become the man God made him to be. He is not without his own struggles. I know as I am honest with all of you, I will be under attack. It works that way sometimes. I will continue to love and seek God’s wisdom in loving him and uplifting him without enabling him.

I will be honest with you. I am still a little too blunt. I am probably a little rough around the edges. I am sure Peter and Paul were as well. I am not comparing myself to the men I am just saying…. God can take you from where you are to where he wants you to be without changing some of your character.

I am a little mean even to some I suppose. I know not everyone will like me. That is ok. I do not like some people either. I do not try to be mean. I am just focused and to the point. I do not do a lot of fluff. I would rather everyone know where I stand.

I know God has plans to prosper and not harm me. He told me so in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Tracy could not believe or accept that God could forgive him or love him. I could not find the words to convince him that he would. That is a lie straight from hell. God does love us all.

I pray I never stop growing and learning. I pray that My son finds his way. I pray that my daughters and grandchildren grow to love and trusts the Lord.

I pray that someone sees Jesus in me. I pray that you be blessed and give your life to Christ.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

God’s voice in a tie

This tie belonged to a great man. We had his memorial service on Saturday. He has been a part of my life for 23 years. When I was a young, widowed mother, he and his precious wife helped by mentoring me. They paid for kid’s camp when I could not. They paid for study materials for me. They have led by example how to live a joy filled life rooted in Christ. I aspire to be more like them.

1 Kings 19:11-12 “And he said, Go forth and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake, but: the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire was a still small voice.

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com

This verse means so much more to me now. If you have been reading my recent posts, then you know I have been praying for the Holy Spirit to fill me and guide me.

I will share what happened on Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday the sanctuary was decorated with lots of ties. You see my dear friend had an incredible tie collection. After the very beautiful and laughter filled memorial, as we walked by to give our love to the family, I mentioned to my friend Teresa see that tie in the center? That is my favorite of all his ties I have seen him wear. I then left; I am always on the move. I did not give it another thought.

Saturday night I dreamed of him. I do not remember the dream just him being there. For whatever reason I could not sleep. I just remember being led to sing over and over: If you don’t move the mountain, I needed you to move I will trust in you.

I awoke Sunday and rebuked the devil. I want him away from my son. I know God has great plans for him. I got ready and went to church. The service was going extremely well. I was enjoying worshipping. I did not have any cares or anxieties. I was just worshipping. I heard God tell me go tell Pastor to rebuke the hold the Devil has on your boy. I said no sir. He told me again. I said you mean ask for prayer. No rebuke the hold. I said I do not think the time is right. Do not argue with God. I felt such a wave of discomfort and through my arguing with God, Pastor used the work rebuke. I leapt to my feet and went and did what I was told. I whispered it in his ear. I had not shared with anyone what, I had done that morning. I returned to my seat and my sweet friend Teresa handed me the tie. The tie in the above picture. I began to cry. I am sure everyone thought I was worried about my son. The preacher began to rebuke the devil over all our loved ones that have strayed and my son. It was not worry that brought the tears. It was that God used Teresa to be my Jesus with skin on. It was his way of telling me he is still with me, and all will be ok.

I am not a person prone to cry. The Pastor asked me to come bring him the tie. I said no I have a reputation to keep up. I do not want all to see me cry. I mean we are online and everything. I did as asked. I would not dishonor my Pastor. He went on to say he was told to pick any tie he wanted to wear for the memorial. He reached for my tie. God told him no not that one. He picked another tie.

When I left the memorial, the ties were given away to whomever would like one. I know that Teresa could not have known what it would mean to me. If I were being honest, I still am having a hard time with how much it and her gesture mean to me.

I know that God has plans to prosper and not harm me. This world can be so busy. I sometimes forget how close he truly is. I am so very thankful that we can still hear is voice. Yes, to me this tie represents his still small, reassuring voice.

I plan to put the tie in a shadow box and place it on my wall. It will forever remind me of my precious friend and the voice of God. This is a big deal for me. I am not a person who likes what I call clutter. You see I would not have taken that tie myself.

God is good all the time. His ways are always better than our ways.

Be blessed !!

Blessing and answered prayers

Hello again. I hope you are all doing well. I wanted to share what happened the week after my ugly little meltdown. As you know I repented to Christ and to others for my ugly attitude. I am grateful that I can rest assured knowing I was forgiven by God as soon as I asked him to do so. As all of us can be.

I spent the next week praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me in all things. I cannot say I was perfect, no one But Christ can claim that one. He did fill me with wisdom in dealing with two people I really was not looking forward to dealing with. He guided my words and actions, and the end result was much better than I anticipated in both situations. Not only that but God answered prayers in helping me through that event, as well as another matter I had been praying for two of my children in. Guess what else? One of my little grandchildren has been struggling in school all year, I pray for him daily. This week he has made twelve smiley face days which means no problem for him. Praise God. It has been a joint effort with his mom doing a great job of reward systems and us all working together to abide by her rules. Prayer has been a very important component as well. Probably the most important component.

I am called to remind myself to count my blessings. I have my health and am able to enjoy my grands. I have a warm home, good friends, a great job, coffee and the list continues on.

Have a great weekend. Count your blessing big and small. Share your answered prayers. Live life filled with joy and the Holy Spirit.

Live, laugh, and LOVE!