Author Archives: deaconesse51

Have you ever found yourself on a slipper slope? I know the picture above is a bit scary. I am talking about another slope. You know the kind, it starts small just a little thing and then it becomes bigger. It could be a sin or a procrastination. I feel like the last few months I have been on one myself. You see I have found myself slacking on my writing and on my weight lifting some. It started simply enough to many things going on, so I had to choose what to give my focus to. Then I realized I was not truly focusing on anything. Well, not entirely true just not focusing on what I considered the important things.

Now, I have had to stop myself and I did from sliding back into a path of negativity. I could have beat myself up and said you fool, you have come so far why would you stop? Thankfully, that is not what I did.

I prayed, I asked God to help me get back on track. I felt he told me to be truly honest, how far off track am I? I am still eating well 80% of the time. I am still going to my Aerial Silk class. I am walking daily and still able to play with the grandkids. I am taking care of my Mom well, and still active at church. So what is it that I am missing? He reminded me to look back, now listen carefully hear look back not stay there. I needed to assess what I was doing differently.

Time to get thinking about , the things I had let slide. I was not reading my Bible or journaling I had stopped listening to the daily lives(1st Phorm), to my success podcasts. Now, you may not need this things, but I do.

I knew what I needed to do, to regain my footing. I grabbed my Bible, a good book and my journal. I started listening to faith building, success lessons again. I am envisioning in my mind and spirit exactly who it is I want to be, the things I wish to accomplish. I know that the biggest battle I have to overcome is the one in my own mind. I am getting back on track, I did not flatten all four of my tires because of one. I am airing that low tire up and giving it new air.

I know in the deepest part of my heart, that I can do it. God gave me instruction and I have not been giving it my best effort. I am praying today I stay at the top of the slope and stand on the Rock where I will not fall. I will trust that I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me. I pray this for all of you as well.

Well, it has definitely been a minute since I have had time to write. I have missed it. Today I will take lesson 6 in my aerial silk class. The pictures below are from my very first class. Yes, it is out of my comfort zone. No I do not look as graceful as my beautiful instructor. No I can not yet do a routine. I am mastering the moves and learning the skills.

I have never hung upside down, never really done flips etc. I lift I do cardio. I wanted to attempt something I had never done. Learn a new skill, overcome the are you crazy I can not do that mentality. I was so excited that I could do this much!

So I wanted to share with you, some of my experience. I thought my first class went very well. It helps that I have a wonderful instructor. Why this class you ask? I needed to find something else to do for just myself. I wanted it to be something that required complete focus and was totally out of my comfort zone. There are so many things that we can not control in this life, but how we respond to the things is in our control.

I needed to be able to forget about work, caregiving etc. My plate is very full and for the 90 minutes I take this class I am completely focused on learning the new skills.

It is painful believe me, I almost quit just because it is not exactly comfortable( imagine that) stepping out of my comfort zone and not wanting to continue because it is not comfortable. Who knew?

I must say though I felt like a warrior princess after my first class. I never dreamed I could do the moves. I mean me upside. I was so thrilled with myself. My second class, hmm not so good, I did not do as well but I kept pushing through. I have learned to eat lighter meals on class days. This helps with the flips and being upside down.

This class is hard work after my first week, I thought oh Lord I have broken a rib. Nope it was an ab I did not know I had. I am glad my teacher is so patient. I have a method lol. She stretches with me before we begin. Then she instructs me on my work for the day. I am apparently a visual learner. So I always have her show me the moves a few times. Then I visualize myself doing it. Then sometimes I do great and other times I struggle, but I carry on I do not quit.

Last week I managed to do a move I had really been struggling with, her excitement is contagious. I love the way she encourages me. It is just a wonderful feeling accomplishing something I did not think I could ever be able to do. I am so glad I did not listen to my own self doubt. I am not trying to toot my own horn. I want to encourage you do step out of your comfort zone.

The benefit of doing so is you can prove to yourself that you can do new things. It is never too late. I am 54 years old my teacher is 67. She will actually be competing next month. She has already placed in her first competition. I have no doubt she will again.

So ask yourself a question? Have you settled for comfort? Are you good with just staying the same day in and day out? Are you afraid to branch out and try something new?

I am constantly having to make adjustment these days. Working full time and taking care of my Mom full time and trying to be and do all the things can get overwhelming. I can stay stuck in a pity party or do something to keep me uplifted and moving on. We are always hardest on ourself. I have to remind my self daily of Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I have to be honest, I feel like I am able to make adjustments a bit easier now that I am tackling this class and doing the hard things. I have bruises, but I also have better muscle tone and I am trying to be more flexible. Now that is two fold, you see I am not good at stretching but I am getting better. I am also learning to be a bit more flexible with myself and what I can accomplish in a day.

I will continue lifting and doing my cardio. I love the class and will continue it while I can. Who know one day I may compete. I am not planning on it but you never know maybe I will.

Have you asked yourself the questions yet? Is there something you have always wanted to do but have not? Visualize yourself doing it first. Then take the leap and give it a try. Find someone to learn from and be kind to yourself. Even if you decide it is not for you, you will have learned something new. I think I will tackle learning to swim next.

Be blessed.

Can you imagine climbing to the top of this mountain? Can you imagine God removing it from your path? Are you in the middle of a daunting climb right now? I know I am. No, it is not a physical mountain. It is the mountain of taking care of a aging parent, while trying to embrace a new normal.

I want to continue to strive to do what I feel I am suppose to do. Sometimes, in the middle of the climb I lose my sense of direction. The voices can sometimes echo from the mountain tops. Real and imagined voices, are you doing the right thing? Is this the best you can do? I would have done it this way. You are overreacting. You are not doing enough. You are doing too much. I know God will help me climb the mountain, it sure sometimes gets tiresome. Just when I think I can not go on, he throws me a lifeline. A confirmation that I am on the right path, that he is still with me. A call from a friend. An acquaintance who trusts me enough to let me pray for them as they go through a terrible betrayal. He reminds me if I stop long enough to let him lead me he will give me the right words to say.

It feels like sometimes I get halfway up the mountain and fall back down. I think the important thing is that I reset and start back up the mountain.

I will not jump off the mountain. I will pivot, regroup and do what it takes to get to the top. To walk the path set out before me. I think I was in the middle of writing this and took a slide down. It happens sometimes doesn’t it?

Today finds me back at it, climbing towards the top. I know God is with me and with him there is not anything I can no do. I woke up today just before the alarm went off. I read, wrote in my journal and drove to the gym only to find it closed. I had a decision to make skip the workout or do one at home using lighter weights and a few modifications. You know I did it at home. You see I have goals that I am trying to reach one of them I have made progress but am 12 pounds from the final goal. I will continue to move forward on this mountain as well.

My question for all of you to ponder today: What is your mountain? Are you trusting God to help you? Are you taking the steps necessary to climb the mountain? I want to encourage you, God will help us with our mountains but we must do our part. Put one foot in front of the other. Take action don’t just sit at the bottom of your mountain and wish you could reach the top. Have faith and take that first step up!!

I have always loved the thrill of the roller coaster. All of them, it just was always an adrenal rush for me. Something I could enjoy with my kiddos and now grand kids. Fun Fun Fun.

I have thought about it all this week, life really is just one big roller coaster. If I am honest lately not one I am enjoying riding. I can wish for that to be different but we all know life is filled with ups and down, twists and turns.

I know that not everyone rides the same, some are terrified, some are excited and happy, other chose not to ride and other just jump off metaphorically speaking. So I have decided that I will continue to ride and be thankful for every day that I get another chance to do so.

I know that life can throw us some curves that we do not see coming, much like the indoor roller coaster you know the ones, in the dark you are never quite sure what is coming next. I am learning that though I am strong and can usually handle even the scariest I am getting a bit tired of this particular roller coaster. I refuse to get off I am going to change my seat and move back a bit. I am going to trust God and keep believing that he only has plans to prosper and not harm me.

Maybe for now I will choose a smaller ride. I know I am sounding a bit crazy, could be I am. I am choosing to reach out for help in this particular part of the ride. I am turning to people who can help me navigate what lies ahead. I am at the moment having to step down from quite a few things I enjoy doing. However, I have also been given the opportunity to have help and free up some time for me to continue to be me. To spend time with my loved ones, learn new things, be present with everyone around me instead of just focused on caring for my Mom and keeping my house in order. Do not misunderstand, I am honored and blessed I can take care of my Mom. It does get hard on me from time to time.

There will always be someone who thinks, they know best and that no matter what you do, you are doing it wrong. I will listen and hopefully be open enough to see a better way. I will not be so stubborn and set in my ways that I can not be taught something new or a better way to adapt and help my Mom have the best days as possible.

Alzheimer’s and Dementia are not your normal diseases. They are two kind of roller coasters of their very own. I have had a little experience from the sidelines in the past now it seems I am in the front seat and what a ride.

I do not know what tomorrow holds for any of us, but I do know who holds my hand. I am getting better at not being so impatient. I have learned more in this past 2 weeks, about the disease and how it works, it helps to be informed and to know that other have already walked this path. I prayed to God to lead me to some solid earthly help and he has done so.

I find myself singing I’m so blessed I’m so blessed got this heart beat in my chest, it doesn’t matter about the rest Lord I ‘ve got you and I’m so blessed. I do this when I feel myself getting too stressed out about all I need to do on a particular day. Sometimes I do it just because.

I will continue to try to live my life the way the Lord wishes me to. I know I will not do it perfectly. I thank Jesus and the Holy Spirit for guiding me and for continuing to help me grow in this.

I will hang on to Jesus and ride this roller coaster through until the end.

I was listening to Greg Laurie this morning about walking in the will of God. It triggered some thoughts for me this morning.

So what is will? In this case the desire, inclination or choice of a person or group. In todays world most of the time we want to do our own will. You know do it my way. My I pad, my I phone, my wants and my needs above anything else. I am guilty of this myself from time to time. As we look around at the culture today, we see this everywhere we look. In our desire to be and do whatever we want to do we are actually losing ourselves and the purpose that we were created for.

What about the will of God? How do we know the will of God? Is there really a God anyway or am I my own God? Questions, confusion chaos. No wonder the world around us is at war with each other. I know in my heart that there is a God. I am not saying there are no other Gods but I believe in the one true God. The one who sent his Son to pay a debt that I never could. I am forever grateful that he loved us all enough to send his Son as a sacrifice for our sin.

Now what about that will ? How do I know God’s will. First and foremost I must know him. How you say? I read his word daily, I meditate on it and pray for his guidance. I surround myself with like minded people who are also believers. Here is where it gets tricky, you see even if we are saved we still are guilty of not always following the will of God. Stay with me I am not say we deliberately do not follow God’s will. You see I am struggling lately myself. It seems in the world around me that things come at me so rapidly that I react without even getting the chance to ask God’s will I am in total flight mode and I forget I have the Holy Spirit to help lead me, if I can slow myself down enough to seek him. You see I know the word and I have it in my heart, I just fail at utilizing the gifts given to me at times. I hope that I am not alone in this.

IF you follow me on Facebook or read my blog, then you know I have had a hard time being totally consistent. I am still having to pivot and adjust as life around me changes. The journey with my Mom definitely has it’s own set of challenges. I think as Christians we sometime think if we are believers then we must say we rely on Christ to solve all our problems. I say this is true, in addition we must pray and open our hearts and minds to the things around us that he has provided to help us along the way. You see I am a type A personality. I get it done and do it all. I do not do it without help from the Lord, but I am guilty of not asking for more help when I need it. Heaven forbid I should appear weak or not be able to handle what I am given. HMMMM am I alone on this as well.

I am working full time, very active in helping with two of my grandchildren full time, caring for my Mom full time and trying to maintain healthy relationships with my husband, children and friends. I realized after much prayer and meditation, it is not a weakness to be proactive. I know that the disease my Mom has will cause change. I know it is coming. I know I have reached capacity on my mental health in what I can accomplish alone. I constantly stay torn between all of the demands on my time and attention. I took an action step yesterday, not on my own, you see my day was very hectic as usual and I almost headed home to get my evening duties started, however I had made myself a promise I would reach out to the Smith County Alzheimer Alliance and as I turned to go home God said, you have put this off long enough it is time to admit you need help. I must tell you I think in my heart this was the best decision I could have made.

Miss Tonya, made me feel human. She actually reminded me that I was only human. She has also walked this road in her own life. She not only educates and helps set you up with respite care, she knows exactly what you are going through. I left there feeling better. It helps to know you have someone guiding you who has been there. Isn’t this true in all of aspects of life. It confirms what my Bible tells me I go through struggles so that I too may help other who may suffer my same struggles.

There is another twist to this story about finding my way to the Alzheimer Alliance. I will not give the details but just to say God’s timing on my going in was timely.(yes I know lame). It was however, very timely as two days later I had to deal with an unexpected interaction and was better prepared for it after my initial visit. It occurred the morning of my next meeting with Miss Tonya. They are a blessing, She was able to calm me down and realize that you just never know what the day will bring.

It took me all of last week and a few moments today on Monday to finish this up. I am glad I can say I have written some on it everyday even if it is only a sentence or two at a time. It means I am continue to follow the instructions I believe that God has given me. I am may be moving forward at a snail’s pace but I am moving forward.

Hello and thank you for reading. I am not sure where the title of this came from. I like these pictures of the water flowing so let’s roll with it. I just wanted to update you on my progress these last few months. I know I have been a bit slack in writing, I will get it on track, I am determined to give my blog my attention.

If you keep up with me then you know I have been on a fitness journey for a while. At the beginning of the year I decided to switch up my approach. I still follow Nicole Wilkins and get advice from her and her trainers. Her community is awesome and who knows one day I may do another one of her challenges. I have going to her Camp as one of goals. I know however have an advisor with 1st Phorm. I check in with her weekly and am almost done with my second 8 week challenge with them. I have to say both are excellent companies! I have been getting my strength training and and walking daily 45 minutes to an hour. I have even been drinking the water.( we all know that is a big deal for me). I am glad to report I am finally getting some results. It has not been fast or easy. I have had to put in the work and make better choices.

I also am still taking care of my Mom full time in addition to working full time. Dementia is a beastly disease. We have good days and bad days. In some ways it is a blessing. You always think you have a new outfit, or a new meal. I think I have finally adjusted better. Well I am handling things a bit better. I had to get a little help with that. It can get very frustrating repeating your self over and over. It also is hard to watch them slowly fade away. My doctor talked to me for over a year trying to get me to take something to help with my anxiety. Anxiety I told her no way I am just mad and hot tempered. Nope she said that is how you express your anxiety. So… I now take a little something to help. I also have kept up with my daily meetings with Jesus. There is no shame in having to have a little extra help, but I know where my true help comes from. It is in his presence and his word. I am still having to pivot and shift as things change pretty quickly sometimes in this situation. She is moving slower and slower and the things I use to could take her to do are really not in the cards for her now. She and the doctor both think she is better off with me as long as I can handle it and care for her. I will continue to do my best.

Why share all this, because I can lol. Not really just a little Miss D humor. I share for those of you who think things can not change. They do change sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. It is not the change we must worry about. I have finally accepted it is our response to the changes, events or others that we must work on, not worry about but do our best to correct our actions and responses when they do not line up with the word of God. I wish I could say I am very good at this, I am not, I am still a bit too harsh and impatient. The difference is I am catching it sooner and try to correct my direction.

I will also let you know that back in March my husband had a heart attack or actually a hypertension emergency. Life stops at that point, when that happens you just stop and take what is coming at you to the best of your ability. My kids came and did their best to take care of me. My brother and sister-in-law took care of Mom. I could not have done it without them and the prayers of friends and family. Stressful is not even a good word for that weekend. I will not go into details but meds and misinformation almost did us in. I have had to truly pray hard about things, but God has given me wisdom and provided answers for me. I am a support to my husband must he must be the one to take the meds and do what the doctors say. He has done very well at this without me nagging him at all. You see once upon a time I would have let him have it. That is not a help to anyone. I chose a different path this time and it is going well.

A quick note here we were about to embark on a path we were not quite sure was for us. I had been praying for must to God to give clear direction in this matter. Even though at the time it did not seem like a blessing, the fact that the medical episode happened gave us our answer and we did not proceed on that particular path. It has also opened the door for us to work on our communications skills with one another. It is not easy to be in a relationship of any kind, but marriage can be extremely hard work.

You have to chose everyday to love and try to understand the other person. It is hard work for both people. We have not had a perfect marriage but we are still here doing our best under the circumstances. He has been a great blessing, helping with my Mom, but it is not easy for him. He lost all his privacy, his blue chair, our time to just go do whatever we want. I know this is just a season and this time shall pass too. Next week we will thankfully get to go reboot. A week away from responsibility and the salty air for me. I already have a church to attend at the beach and new Bible is ready for my reading or I can take my Fire Bible either way God will still get my time. I have better days with him.

I have to get back to work. My goals for this week will be to get prepared for trip and decide what my next fitness goal will be when the current challenge ends. If you have any ideas on new goal let me know.

I pray over all who read this, that you would find peace in the chaos, answers in the confusion. I pray you continue to grow and pivot. Above all I pray a life centered on Christ, in a world where that is not normal then do not be normal. I pray that the Holy Spirit flows through your life and provides all your needs. Amen

I am flowing on being the best version of me I can be!!!

Hey Jude has been coming to my mind all week. I just finished reading the New Testament and decided to reread Revelation using my Fire Bible this time. There is a lot of deep stuff in Revelation.

So why Hey Jude? It is a really good Beatles song from way back in case you did not know. The Lord has put it in my mind every day this week, so I shared a little this morning on my Facebook page and felt led to re read Jude and then go back and read my journal.

So here is what I have decided I will just share my journal writing with you, which is probably just the Chapter written in my own words of sorts. Jude is only 1 Chapter, filled with powerful instructions if we will follow them.

The book of Jude was written by one of the half brothers of Jesus in case you did not know or were wondering. This is the general opinion. He never says he is a brother of Christs, but a slave. He does not claim to be an apostle either. Anyhoo, it does seem that he is in fact the half brother of Jesus. Enough of that here are my notes.

God’s truth does not change, we are to live holy lives. We should not continue to live immoral lives just because Christ has forgiven us of sin and will. We are to turn from our sin because he love us enough to lay down his life for ours.

He rescued the whole nation of Israel from Egypt, but destroyed everyone who did not remain faithful.

We must remember the Lord warned us of all the things that are happening around us now. Self indulgence, all kinds of perversion, bad becoming good and good becoming bad.

We are to continue to build our lives on the foundation of Christ. We are to be faithful, show mercy to others when their faith is wavering, rescue others from the fire(witness to them), but do not be contaminated by their sin.

I am reminded of the words from the ladies conference I attended this past weekend. I wrote the above notes at the end of March and had forgotten about them. Our Speaker told us to be careful of only being with other Christians, they do not need us to witness to them. The Lord came to heal the world. All the world. We must show God’s love to all. I do not believe that he would mistreat others when they did not agree with him. He would lovingly witness to them. That is our job to be a witness of Christ not to condemn, others that do not have the same beliefs as our selves. I do believe each one of us will answer for what we have and have not done.

I think that we are all guilty of being self centered at times. I am trying to be more aware of others and how I represent Christ to them. This does not mean I agree with their choices , it means I will love them with the love of Christ and pray for them. I will also pray that they will not try to conform me to their beliefs. I wish we did not live in a world with all the sins that are turning into normal. It will be this way with the world, but we who belong to Christ should remain faithful. In my mind that means certain things should not be allowed in church, as in certain behaviors but all people should be welcomed.

I pray that we who follow Christ, do so whole heartedly not just half way. I pray we can reach out to those around us without judgement and without temptation. I pray that if you are not a believer, that you know it is ok with me. It is not my job to force you to believe anything you don’t want to. Please treat everyone with kindness, the world would be a better place if we all stopped fighting to force are on way on each other and just be kind.

TAKE A SAD SONG AND MAKE IT BETTER!!!

A red flag : to identify or draw attention to a problem or issue to be dealt with.

The red flag above is to warn of the dangerous waves in the ocean. In relationships we can have several red flags. We may also have red flags in our health to point us towards an issue. We can also call them warnings.

Why am I even thinking about this.

I have been guilty of ignoring warning signs, red flags. Have you? I remember a friend who once ignored all the warning signs flashing on her dashboard until her engine blew up. What about the red flags we get from our body, when we are extra tired, dehydrated or anxious or all of the above at one time. Relationships are another area where sometimes we see red flags but we move forward blindly. Why???

The answer to that question, will be different for some . I think some of us turn a blind eye out of love, convenience or fear. Others may just be so consumed with the cares of this world, we look away because we do not want to face the truth.

This is what I have learned, you can love someone and not be able to have them in your life. You can also take a stand. This means admitting that you see the warning signs/ red flags. Once you have identified them, decide first if you are going to turn a blind eye, take a stand and make a change.

Keep in mind sometime you feel the red flags not necessarily see them. I have done all of the above through the years. I recommend, that you do not turn a blind eye if it will only lead to future heartbreak of yourself or someone else. Remember sometime warning signs are giving to us about ourselves. Does the scale keep inching ? Is your cholesterol out of control? What about sugar intake? Can you play with your kids or grandkids if you are too heavy to run with them or is your sugar is too high or low you cannot function?

Do your friends and family avoid you because of your own behavior? You may not even realize what you are doing. If you are confrontational or disinterested in them, they will slowly pull away. Maybe they miss a few lunches or planned get togethers. I know for myself in years past my longest and best friend Mandy pulled away. I could have blamed it all on her husband at the time, but the truth was I was too opiniated. You see my opinion was the right opinion back then and no one else’s mattered to me. She needed me to be a friend who listened not be her problem solver. At least unless she asked me to. I say this because thank goodness I changed, I have someone myself I love dearly who is the same way it can get exhausted. I had to work on it. I am still not sure I have it all down pat. Now sometimes, it seems I am too much the other way. Silence is golden, unless you ask me and if you do hold on because I will surely tell you.

My point is there were red flags back then she would cancel lunches and eventually we just lost contact for a bit. I thank the Lord everyday that is was just a season and now we are closer than ever.

Do you sometimes feel you are on the edge of a cliff about to jump? DANGER DANGER that is a warning sign in itself. Reach out for help if you need to. I did when things got to overwhelming for me lately.

I call on Jesus and all the earthly people who can help me.

My prayer for each of you today is that God would open your eyes to the red flags, warning signs in your life. Father if we have anything we need to address within ourselves or others please give us the wisdom to do so with our grace and love. Guide us on how to deal with this signs. I pray in Jesus Name Amen

If you are here reading my ramblings, thank you so much and I hope you found a little something to help you through the day.

I recently wrote about , how easy it is to progress if you just get 1% better. I want to also point out that to slowly fade away from something can be just as easy.

What? What craziness is on my mind today?

It can be a simple as, I do not want to exercise today, I am too tired, too busy too whatever. So I sleep in and put it off until tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, hmm sure felt good to just sleep in and before I know one day becomes a week.

I could say the same for my Bible reading. If you follow me at all one of my goals this year was to start my day in the word. I am glad to say, thus far I am still on track. There are some days it would be so easy to just skip it. I know it I do that then everyday it will get easier to not do. I know because last year I did not do it. I can say the same about my gratitude journal or even my eating schedule.

An alcoholic does not become so overnight, it is a slow fade first drink second and so forth. Or maybe they do I am not sure of this. I know that when I was young, one drink was not enough at first I drank with friends to have fun, then I drank to escape from reality it only started with one drink and quickly turned into something else. Praise God I no longer have that issue.

I have also been reminded this week, that things will come at me constantly to spend money. They come in all kinds of forms, friends and ads etc. I have finally found a voice and I tell them no thank you it does not fit in with my current goals. I already know a dollar here a dollar there and my dream of being debt free will slow fade away until it disappears.

I also believe if we are not actively pursuing our relationships, they will also slowly fade away. This I am desperately needing to work on. Sometimes I am so busy days have gone by and I have not heard from any of my children and I realize I have not reached out to them either. I do not want to lose my relationship with my friends and family so I must stop the fade.

Above all if I do not hold on to the things God has instructed me to do and give them my best effort I will slowly fade back into the person who does not obey God and does not give her best effort in the areas I need to.

My goal is to be better every day in every way. I want to shine like the sun, and maybe leave everyone feeling a little bit better having known me.