KNOWING MY WHY!

Hello all. Hope you have a had that first cup. I am about to start on my third for this morning. This week I have been reading a book written by Dean Graziosi and listening to several of his messages. I made myself go through the seven layers deep exercise. This is where you ask yourself your why seven times. Most people answer from the head the first couple of questions, by the seventh you find your real why. If you have been reading my blog. you know I felt God calling me to do this. Took me several years to be obedient. I have been really going deep into my heart and I know now, God did tell me to do this. My heart deep down wants to let others know that Christ lived and died for all of us. There is nothing we can ever do that will stop him from loving us. Why other than the obvious reason?

I will tell you another lifetime I go and met and fell in love at first glance with Tracy. I was not following the Lord. We fell in love. He loved my little girl as if she was his own. Then we had our son together. He had a problem I was too naive to realize it would control him, eventually leading to his death and my heart feeling as if it had been ripped into a million pieces. He was addicted to drugs. I did not make wise choices either during our time together. I had pushed God to the background. I did not do drugs never have. That makes you feel a little superior sometimes. You see I was not following God in a lot of areas. I did not lie or steal. I have a reputation for being brutally honest. I made bad coping choices. Then he met the person who would eventually take his own life. I knew from the moment I met him he was evil. I have only felt this a few times in my life. I trust that God has given me that feeling then and at other times. You see even when we are running away, he is pulling us close even when we don’t see him and sometimes are not even looking for him, he is there. Tracy could not believe or accept that God could forgive him or love him. I could not find the words to convince him that he would. That is a lie straight from hell. God does love us all. I hope that in his final moments he called on Christ.

I wish I had listened to him prior to him meeting the people that would rip us apart forever. He wanted to leave the area. He said he could change if he could get away from here. You see some people will not let you be better. They like you to stay down.

I was angry with God and the road back was not an easy one. I wish I could say that I have arrived. (Whatever that means). What I can tell you is that my life is far better walking through it leaning on the Lord. He is also my strength. I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I have made, as I know he has.

I am blessed to have a son who is much like his father in a lot of ways. Some good and some bad. I pray for him constantly that he will become the man God made him to be. He is not without his own struggles. I know as I am honest with all of you, I will be under attack. It works that way sometimes. I will continue to love and seek God’s wisdom in loving him and uplifting him without enabling him.

I will be honest with you. I am still a little too blunt. I am probably a little rough around the edges. I am sure Peter and Paul were as well. I am not comparing myself to the men I am just saying…. God can take you from where you are to where he wants you to be without changing some of your character.

I am a little mean even to some I suppose. I know not everyone will like me. That is ok. I do not like some people either. I do not try to be mean. I am just focused and to the point. I do not do a lot of fluff. I would rather everyone know where I stand.

I know God has plans to prosper and not harm me. He told me so in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Tracy could not believe or accept that God could forgive him or love him. I could not find the words to convince him that he would. That is a lie straight from hell. God does love us all.

I pray I never stop growing and learning. I pray that My son finds his way. I pray that my daughters and grandchildren grow to love and trusts the Lord.

I pray that someone sees Jesus in me. I pray that you be blessed and give your life to Christ.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16