GRIEF

Grief is a response to loss, particularly the loss of someone or some living thing that has died. I would like to add that it could also be a response to a love, limb or even a change in the dynamic of a relationship.

The loss of a loved one or beloved pet can cause you to feel intense grief. I have had to deal with this far too many times in my 52 years. I have also in recent years had to come to terms with the grief I felt in realizing a loved one is beyond my help and is no longer a part of my life. It has caused a different kind of grief but grief none the less. In most recent times I realize I am already beginning another form of grief in realizing I am losing my Mother somewhat by the disease she is beginning to suffer with my Mother as she used to be anyway.

This brings me to the question how do we handle our grief? Why do some seem to do better at it than others? What is the right way to handle grief?

From here on out this is strictly my opinion from my experience. It is not meant to hurt anyone or offend anyone. It is just the conclusion I have come to after many years.

The other night at dinner I asked about a friend who recently lost her husband. I was told she is doing very well. Some seem surprised at the answer. She told one friend that yes, she cried in the beginning, but she would not be crying forever. I admire her strength and I know her loving husband would be very proud of her.

It made me reflect on my younger self. I did not do so well when my husband passed. I was left hurt, angry and confused. Looking back, I can see that I did not handle my grief in a way that I am proud of. I however dealt with it the best way I could.

I drank to drown my sorrow. I screamed at God why? I rushed into a marriage that was a complete and utter failure. I pushed my grief to the back of my mind because I could not face the loss. I was hurt and I hurt people. The only way I was ever able to work through my grief was to accept it and face the feelings. I am blessed to have a wonderful pastor who is also my friend. He also served as a counselor, mentor and coparent.

There are steps they say that you can take to deal with your grief.

1. Acknowledge your pain.

2. Accept that grief can trigger many different emotions.

3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.

4. Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.

5. Support yourself emotionally by taking care of your physical self.

I have said many times through the years to different friends, there is no right or wrong way to handle your grief. We all do the best we can at the time.

I believe in my heart that God helped me to deal with not overcome but to accept and live with my grief. He helps me every day to deal with this phase of my journey.

I would encourage you, if you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, do not make rash decisions as I did. For example, do not sell your home, unless of course you have to. Do not make the mistake of marrying or getting involved with someone just to keep your mind busy. I promise one day you will have to deal with the feelings. It is probably best for all involved for you to be in a healthy place before moving on. Seek the guidance of a counselor or pastor. Immerse yourself in the Bible. Read books that help you, in this digital age listen to podcast or online sermons to help you deal with the grief.

I ask you to be kind to others who are suffering with grief. Do not judge them. Try to be kind and compassionate. Be a true friend. At my worst time I had a friend who lovingly reined me in when I was about to fall off the ledge. I had some that just listened while I cried. I thank God every day for those friends. I pray I can be that friend to others. I truly believe we should reach out for help but please remember sometimes the struggle is so great we cannot reach out again please do not judge I truly believe people do the best that can at the time.

I would like to leave you with a few verses to turn to when your grief is strong.

Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Be blessed